2021 Round-Up

[hatchbacks]

2021 Fanfiction Round-Up

Meme source (though I changed up a couple of the questions)
2020 ver | 2017
Easy linkage to everything on AO3


Overall Thoughts

1. This year I wrote and posted:
 174 complete fics (6 of which were really compilations of twitter shortfics but more or less coalesced together).

2. What were your goals for writing going into this year? Did you achieve them?
From last year's post, my goals were:

Finish more WIPs. Continue to write for myself, first and foremost, and enjoy the process. Find some way to consistently write/post shortfic again (maybe resurrect my old prompt generator). Write for the characters/ships/fandoms that I didn't get to this year but wanted to.

I did finish more WIPs. I wrote shortfic, albeit inconsistently and mostly not posted. I ended up resurrecting the prompt generator, though I'm not sure it's as useful as it was for me back in the day--I'm going to have to tweak it some more if I want to use it, probably, to better suit the nature of what I write now and the fandoms I want to write for.

Year of Writing For Me Part 2, though...I'm not sure what to call it. There were times this year when I did succeed and it was fun, but there were times (like, pretty much the entirety of fall) when it was really stressful. This isn't counting creative ruts/writer's block and when I was too busy with IRL stuff; those are just things that are going to happen and I'll deal with them as they come. It's hard to admit when I've overcommitted or can't do something, or can't do something without stressing myself out, even if (as with any non-exchange/zine-related writing endeavors, which are 95%+ of the ones I take on) the only one to whom I have to answer--and the only one who's paying attention to whether I'm following through or not--is me. But! All of this writing, stressful or not, was very much for me, not for the hypothetical reader (again, exchange fics aside), and not to prove myself to someone else, so...

Another goal I always have, which I sometimes don't outright state, is to become a better writer. I don't know that I really did this year, but "better" is such a nebulous and subjective word and tries to encompass a ton of different aspects. I got slightly better at some things (proofreading, structure), slightly worse at others (characterization), and better recognized my shortcomings in still others (repetitiveness) without really making a change. But overall, as much as quality can be measured, my writing remained largely the same, which--I guess at this point, I've been writing steadily for so long that the odds of making a major leap in skill level in the span of a year are pretty low.

TL;DR yes, mostly.

3. What did you try this year that didn't succeed?
There were a couple of fics that didn't turn out as well as I'd hoped, but I posted them anyway because of deadlines and feeling done with them (Inflorescence and a ticking clock in particular). Also, Swordtember, which was derailed by a sudden burst of inspiration for a WIP that had been sitting in limbo for months and I never finished it--I can't be really mad about that, though. I made the right choice.
I also had ambitions of writing a (chaptered) longfic, and I was going to at least plan it out during my week off in August, but...that didn't happen, and I stuck it on hold because I was busy with other stuff.
 
4. What was the state of your WIPs in the beginning of the year, and what's their state now?
Same as last year pretty much--came in with a bunch, going out with a bunch (some of the same and some of them different). Having one main WIP document with a graveyard document I can move things in and out of when I want to for a full year has been great.

5. Any miscellaneous thoughts?
In general, this year has very much been "writing is fun!" versus my own expectations and constantly-moving goalposts. I'm never going to be as good of a writer (as much as "good" can be defined) as I want to be, because even if I reach whatever point I want to now I'm just going to say, "This isn't good enough; I can still be better."

Circling back to my answer to #2 a bit, I realized this year that I'm mean to myself often and in a lot of ways--not as much when it comes to writing as in other matters, but I am. I overload myself with commitments and then berate myself for struggling or not following through, and for not meeting some arbitrary standard based on what I think others are achieving or what I used to be able to do, or what I think I "should" be capable of doing. (And even looking back on this year, it's so tempting to ask myself why/how I possibly felt so burned out when I averaged less than 1000 words a day overall, and surely that doesn't count as "a lot"...)
Shooting for the moon and comparing myself against ridiculously high standards does motivate me to increase my output, perhaps more than I otherwise would, even if I don't allow myself to be satisfied with that output. And not allowing myself to be satisfied gives me room to grow. It's not a total wash, but I don't have to declare it as such to try and stop doing it--if I can't have my cake and eat it, I'll take avoiding the avoidable stress, thanks. Maybe there is a real, valid reason or excuse that I can't write as much as I used to or as much as I want to right now (or as well as I want to), but if there is then it's probably something I can't change. And maybe there's not a reason per se, but I'm probably not going to stumble on a sudden solution either way, and I'm sick of being frustrated with myself. Maybe I won't find something else that works, or maybe I just need a break from this for a little while and I'll be able to approach it from a better angle; we'll see.

So I don't really know what I mean by all this, and I don't really know what the future holds. I want to keep writing and I'm going to keep writing, because I love it and there are so many things I want to write and I really can't not. I just have to figure out how to do it without overdoing it. And looking back on my responses to last year's meme (& thinking back to the way I felt a year ago) I feel like I've taken half a step back from the progress I made in late 2020 when I made writing really, truly fun for myself again and felt like my quality was improving--not a complete step back, though, and that's a distinction worth making.

(Completely changing the subject) There's a part in Honey & Clover where Hagu talks about infinite boxes full of things she wants to open as a metaphor for creating, and I feel that way a lot--it's hard not to be overwhelmed when there are so many things I want to write about, and it's hard to take a step back and not write or even just not publish for a bit (even when I need a break!) because I'm worried about having time to do everything. But I am trying.

On an unambiguously positive note, I got a few really sweet comments on older fics this year. They were lovely surprises, and I hadn't thought about those fics in a while so I got to have some fun trips down memory lane. :')

I also made several efforts throughout the year to try and stop focusing on stats and feedback. This worked so well that I almost forgot to mention it here, heh. But anyway: I started using a site skin on AO3 that hides stats and an inbox filter for kudos/comment emails, and it's honestly helped me stop obsessing about numbers and manage my expectations quite a bit.

6. Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?
More than I'd thought at the very beginning of the year.

7. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?
None, really. Ships/fandoms I hadn't written before were mostly the ones I'd already liked (or at least were on my radar--obviously I hadn't seen Sk8 yet, but I knew it was going to happen and if you'd told me I'd write fic for it I wouldn't have been shocked).

8. What's your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest?
And Again, You Begin. I wrote it when I was going through a rough patch emotionally, and there was something about writing the repetition that I found soothing. And the fic turned out pretty much exactly as I'd conceived it. (How rare is that?)

9. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?
I learned a bit from /not/ taking risks early in the year--I wanted to get more graphic with the hunting scene in a strike, but I shied away from it, for instance. And I know I was still holding myself back with Inflorescence, even though I didn't want to. But I just kept going and tried to ask myself the question--was I holding back, and why, and why should I not? I think in the latter part of the year I published more things that felt risky--I was more uncertain of the characterization, or of the prose, or some aspect, but I published them anyway for one reason or another. So I did learn how to lower the bar a bit.


X Of the Year

10. Your best story of this year:
the kind of star you would rather not be--I enjoy playing with in-universe symbolism and extended metaphor, and I think I got right up to the line without getting too heavy-handed with it. I like writing Killer and I think I got his character best here.

11. Your most popular story of this year:
I'll See You In My Dreams.

12. Story of yours most under-appreciated by the universe, in your opinion:
I struggle with this kind of question because I love to overthink things--and this year I've really tried harder to not focus so much on how my fic is received, if anyone is reading, etc. (Also, in general, I don't like thinking of things as "under-appreciated"/"underrated", but that's neither here nor there and I'm not great at articulating the exact reasons for it.)
That being said, if I get to choose one to ask people to read, a knife in the side of the world (i rust without you) is one of my faves and has no comments right now. FWIW I do think it's better in concept than in execution (I rushed it for a deadline, and I'm not fond of the pacing/structure) but I like it a lot.

13. Most fun story to write:
Apex Predator! I never knew how much I needed Daz and Crocodile to have an adorable little monster pet until I started writing this, 10/10 would write again.

14. Story with the single sexiest moment:
the way you--I wrote the part with the sunscreen specifically because I found it sexy as a concept.

15. Story that shifted your own perceptions of the characters:
Near, in a state of great change, and Truce were quite illuminating, just to name a few. But there were a bunch.

16. Hardest story to write:
I started working on Near in I think October 2020. "This will be finished by Thanksgiving," I said! And I kept coming back to it, thinking I'd finish it, and then having more to say or something to change, but the last week or two I just busted through and kept 2/7 as a firm deadline. I really didn't think I'd ever get there, or especially that I'd get there on the day, until probably the evening of the night before I finished it. It felt like a huge endeavor--totally worth it though.

17. Biggest disappointment:
Several fics fell short of my expectations/ideals for them. But overall, despite writing more than I thought I would in January...I still feel like I didn't write enough.

18. Biggest surprise:
No KnB fics this year? :O

19. Most unintentionally telling story:
I got a comment on Stitch to the Other Side that said it was obvious from the fic how much I enjoy sewing. It was quite gratifying, especially because of how unintentional it was (while writing the fic, I did think "I love sewing" but the only real point was Nami as a character).

20. Favorite 5 line(s) from anywhere:
"It would be terribly sexy to light her cigarette on a man’s. Especially if that man were Nate, in a cashmere sweater, one of the few he has that doesn’t have a hole in it (maybe the black Loro Piana one his aunt had bought him last Christmas)." (isn't it romantic)
"And if Kid’s going to be a years-long supernova, leaving explosions in his wake that rock the ocean and the land, smoking guns in each hand, then Killer’s going to be one of his own, feeding off the energy from Kid’s explosions and exploding it right back, even if that’s not how physics works." (the kind of star you would rather not be)
"Law’s thoughts are scattered again, like screws in a cup tipped over onto the floor, rolling under furniture and bouncing into far corners, into cracks." (the steadiness of a stranger)
"Nami has a way with other people, of sliding in her thumbnail and peeling away their exteriors like an orange, like an eggshell, until she’s exposed the things she needs to pry something out of them." (Peel)
"You begin, and you hold your breath until the next end." (And Again, You Begin)

21. Top 5 scenes from anywhere you would choose to have illustrated:
The kiss over the table from Better Next Time
The baseball scene from batsmanship
Brook and Yorki playing the piano together at the beginning of four
The last scene of Apex Predator at the table with the bananawani getting spoiled
The airport kiss in isn't it romantic

22. Fic-writing goals for next year:
Keeping in mind, my answer to #5...I don't know what the future holds. A year seems like a really long time, and I don't want to pressure myself and stress too much. So my most important goals aren't about fic-writing specifically, but in this and in other areas: be kinder and healthier. Less important, but only in regards to writing: write less, commit less, and fail more. Don't get so caught up in insecurity (it only holds me back).
But also, follow through with my existing commitments.
And for a stretch goal, finish Swordtember.



Stats/List

Total year-long word count: 282,139

Completed Fics:
Zankyou no Terror (1)
like a ghost (129, T): 1033 words

Yesterday (2019) (1)
The Art of Seduction (Jack/Ellie/Rocky, NR): 1761 words

The Goldfinch (1)
tie me tighter (Theo/Andy, T): 1021 words

Princess Nine (1)
Bright Eyes (Kanako/Izumi, T): 1019 words

Homestar Runner (1)
Doing the Math (So and So/What's Her Face, T): 1100 words

Sk8 the Infinity (2)
dry (matchablossom, T): 1130 words
Momentary (renga, G): 1013 words

Ouran High School Host Club (3)
Alien Anthropologists (kyokao, T): 1013 words
Pro/Con (one-sided Tamaki/Ayame, G): 1052 words
Less than Guests (Haruhi/Renge, T): 1118 words

Gossip Girl (Novels) (3)
for now, in the narrative (Blair/Serena, M): 1014 words
isn't it romantic (Blair/Serena, T): 1334 words
ever not (Blair/Serena, T): 1036 words

Nana (4)
Steep Decline (Yasu/Layla, T): 1009 words
A Singular Thing (Ren/Nana, T): 1036 words
Tough Guy (Nobu-centric, T): 1126 words
Frozen (Layla-centric, G): 1058 words

Bleach (4)
Perfect Storm (ryuugiri, NR): 1008 words
A Leap Over the Line (tatsuhime, NR): 1009 words
everything converges (Byakuya/Ichigo, T): 1271 words
Clear as Scorch Marks (bazzdu, M): 1017 words

Star Wars (6)
Breathe Shallow (Padme/Sabe, T): 1035 words
quick, not hasty (Owen/Beru, NR): 1011 words
Waiting (Chirrut/Baze, T): 1012 words
Not on the Schedule (Bail/Breha, T): 2288 words
Everything and Nothing (Obi-Wan, T): 1134 words
The Universe in Red (Vader, NR): 1015 words

Fire Emblem (10)
on confronting the dragon in the room (Corrin/Robin, T): 1006 words
Constant Revelation (Corrin/Saizo, T): 1012 words
Better Next Time (Anna/Sharena, T): 1146 words
No Name (Chrom & Lucina, T): 1013 words
Blade and Blade (Corrin & Xander, G): 1011 words
As You Are (Fafnir & Otr & Reginn, G): 1037 words
Whimsical Daydream (Mirabilis/Peony, T): 1061 words
Buoyant (Corrin/Azura, G): 1037 words
Forgetting (Hrid & Ylgr, T): 1209 words
Keeping Watch (Corrin/Robin, G): 1114 words

One Piece (137)
a story about clipping nails (dazcroc, T): 1013 words
That Dizzy Edge (Smoker/Hina, T): 1417 words
Spilled Blood (Kid/Killer, M): 1119 words
lay down your sword (lawzo, T): 1398 words
both feet on the ground (lusan, T): 1014 words
Shoulder (Smoker/Hina/Tashigi, T): 1663 words
Hinge (smolaw, T): 1060 words
Witness (Killer/Zoro, T): 1036 words
Pale Moon/Red Moon (namivivi, T): 1004 words
Let the Levee Break (lawzo, T): 1008 words
Consider This (Robin/Koala, T): 1006 words
Near (lawzo, NR): 15532 words
a strike (dazcroc, NR): 1012 words
Cue (Law/Tashigi, T): 1044 words
I'll See You In My Dreams (Shanks/Buggy, T): 3737 words
the kind of star you would rather not be (Kid/Killer, T): 1137 words
Top of the Kettle (robinami, T): 1006 words
Anticipation (Drake/Hawkins, M): 1015 words
you're so cold (Jango/Kuro, T): 1019 words
Lockstep (KKZ, NR): 1010 words
Enigma (Drake/Hawkins, T): 1046 words
Fray (Kid/Killer, T): 1008 words
Inflorescence (akataka feat plantman Shanks, NR): 2421 words
sunscreen on the lens (Smoker/Law/Tashigi, T): 1300 words
if you are yourself (lawzo, T): 1943 words
the steadiness of a stranger (lawzo, T): 2237 words
Keep Your Footing (Kid/Killer, NR): 2046 words
Seeing is Believing (lusopp, T): 1648 words
In Negative Space (lawzo, T): 2654 words
forward motion (lawzo, T): 1818 words
Metaphorically Speaking (lawzo, NR): 1743 words
chip in the glass (Smoker/Law/Tashigi, T): 1089 words
after hours (lawzo, T): 3105 words
tea service (Robin/Franky/Brook, T): 1088 words
clear eyes (Kid/Killer, T): 1375 words
rough surf (Kid/Zoro, NR): 1575 words
Limit Break (zolu, T): 1681 words
And Again, You Begin (Robin, T): 1922 words
Pocket / More the Intention (lawzo, NR): 1304 / 1537 words
swell (lawzo, T): 1072 words
Occupied (lawzo, M): 1099 words
coffee break (Smoker/Tashigi, T): 1739 words
keep me hungry (Kid/Killer vampire AU, NR): 2103 words
feet first (akataka, T): 1146 words
Suit of Swords (Drake/Hawkins, T): 1201 words
shimmer (robinami, T): 1019 words
catch me if you can (Nami/Kalifa, T): 1027 words
storm in your pocket (namivivi, T): 1310 words
Stitch to the Other Side (Nami-centric, G): 1136 words
Anti-Utility (robinami, T): 1057 words
One More (lawzo, T): 1225 words
Apex Predator (dazcroc, T): 1407 words
the losing side (Kid/Killer, T): 1504 words
Truce (Law/Drake, M): 2123 words
Surprise Attack (Hina/Tashigi, T): 1541 words
better cold (lawzo, E): 1605 words
Out of Place (Drake, T): 1027 words
half caf (Smoker/Hina/Tashigi, T): 1390 words
Stronger (Smoker/Law/Tashigi, T): 1217 words
As Luck Would Have It (Nami/Tashigi, T): 1249 words
Cannot Be Said (Drake/Zoro, T): 1248 words
The Light of Distant Stars (Bellemere-centric sci-fi AU, G): 1067 words
End Result (Garp & Sengoku & Tsuru, G): 1038 words
in the way (Smoker/Tashigi role reversal AU, T): 3408 words
Incompletely (Drake/Zoro, T): 1479 words
Peel (robinami, T): 1461 words
Hope for the Best (sanuso modern AU, T): 2733 words
this better be good (Shanks/Buggy, T): 1199 words
contentment (KKZ, T): 1527 words
on the precipice (lawzo, G): 1034 words
the place that holds things in (Marco/Izou, T): 1134 words
False Nostalgia (Smoker/Hina/Tashigi, T): 1425 words
a ticking clock (dazcroc, NR): 2517 words
revolve (Law/Drake/Hawkins, G): 1182 words
Under Shadow (zosan, T): 1000 words
steady wobble (Marco/Izou, T): 1011 words
Snow's Return (Killer/Zoro, T): 1195 words
in a state of great change (akataka, NR): 16730 words
Over/Under (smolaw, T): 1029 words
center me (zolu, T): 1222 words
For a Generation (Shanks & Rayleigh, T): 1074 words
common kinds of light (Kid/Killer, NR): 3422 words
delicate (lawzo, T): 1026 words
Gracious in Defeat (kidlaw, T): 1139 words
The Hand that Hesitates (sanuso, T): 1574 words
Subterfuge (Smoker/Law/Tashigi, T): 3761 words
Deluge (Drake/Law, T): 1040 words
Out of the Rain (Heart Pirates, G): 1021 words
Supercharge (Kid/Killer, T): 1466 words
the butcher and the cook (lawsan cannibal AU, M): 1058 words
a fog descending (lawzo, G): 1025 words
time you can't hold (Drake/Zoro, T): 1067 words
cutting your teeth (lawzo, G): 1045 words
A Clear Morning (Izou & Whitebeard, T): 2050 words
You Again (smoace, T): 1019 words
the bridge (Kid/Killer, T): 1601 words
Keep Warm (Hina/Drake, T): 1029 words
batsmanship (Tashigi-centric baseball AU, T): 1144 words
four (Brook/Yorki, G): 1106 words
Astrological Significance (East Blue OT5, T): 1068 words
What You Sow (Kid/Killer, T): 1121 words
Adaptive (Tsuru & Drake, G): 1048 words
Seam (Kid/Killer, T): 1011 words
Bottle Episode (Marco/Ace, T): 1116 words
stolen moments (robinami, T): 1349 words
better than that (akataka, M): 1120 words
loose moments (lusan, T): 989 words
a knife in the side of the world (i rust without you) (Kid/Killer vampire AU, T): 7783 words
half-cracked shell (lawzo, T): 1026 words
scattered moments (Shanks/Buggy, T): 1263 words
Optimism (Smoker/Hina/Drake, T): 1092 words
punctuated moments (Smoker/Tashigi, T): 1340 words
Smoke & Mirrors (Smoker/Hina/Drake, T): 1403 words
A Citrus Color (namivivi, E): 1127 words
bright moments (Marco/Izou, T): 1126 words
In a Northern Town (smoace vampire AU, T): 11460 words
gathered moments (lawzo, T): 1458 words
Freehand (Kid/Killer/Law, T): 1044 words
say what you mean (Kid/Killer, T): 1282 words
Observatory (Smoker/Hina/Drake, T): 1037 words
under (lawzo, T): 1259 words
kaleidoscope (KKZ, M): 1507 words
the way you (Smoker/Hina/Drake/Tashigi, NR): 4323 words
What You Can’t Ignore (Smoker/Hina/Tashigi, T): 1773 words
precious future (Smoker/Hina/Drake/Tashigi, G): 2224 words
Face Full of Cold (Drake/Law, T): 1062 words
Yield the Lead (Jango/Fullbody, T): 1069 words
Sweet & Sour (Bellemere & Genzo, G): 1301 words
Consolation Prize (Garp & Sengoku & Tsuru, T): 2267 words
solidity (smolaw, T): 1115 words
to the spirit (Borsalino/Isshou, G): 1027 words
dull teeth (Drake/Hawkins, G): 1070 words
Breathtaking (Smoker/Law/Tashigi, T): 1113 words
see it in the air (Smoker/Hina, G): 1047 words
Invisible Gorilla (Law/Drake/Hawkins, G): 1030 words
glow (Smoker/Tashigi, T): 2107 words